Blah!

I have been feeling kind of blah the last couple of days.  Not really sick blah more feeling sorry for myself blah.  I can't seem to snap out of it.  I think the primary thing that is contributing to this general feeling of blahness is the fact that this week would have been my due date had I not miscarried back in March.  I will be going along just fine and then something will remind me of the fact that we could be having a baby this week but instead we are not.  I know the timing was not right for either of the babies I miscarried and I am trying to take comfort in the fact that when it's right it will happen for us.  But tonight I ate an entire carton of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia frozen yogurt and sat on the couch watching football with Terence.  It was kind of my own personal pity party.  I don't think even Terence understands the extent of my feelings right now and I don't know that I can put them into words here.  Really I think it's mostly sadness and a sense of loss, almost loneliness, and dread.  I am dreading the fact that I will have to go through this again in March when the due date for my baby girl that I lost comes around.  I know I will feel better in a few days, I'm pretty sure its natural to feel this way when you have experienced a miscarriage and I know I'm not alone but like I said, right now I just feel kind of lonely and sad.